Monday, January 31, 2005

Teach Our Children

Arithetic

Tube Gossip

Eavesdropping on the London Underground.

The Stonehenge Pocket Watch

Not exactly practical, is it?

Some may call it a sundial.

Free Spirit Spheres

Habitat for the Un-Tamed Spirit

Need Air Conditioning?

Arf

Try Stiff Nipples.

Think of the poor girl who has to answer the phone.

"Good Morning, Stiff Nipples, Andrea speaking, how may I help you?" Then again it might be some hairy-arsed bloke. You win some you lose some.

A Gadzillion Things To Think About

Well just over 11,850 actually.

Give Us Beer Money

They're Australian.

The Gayest Gardener In Town?

I never knew mowing the lawn could be so much fun.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Self Defence with a Walking Stick

You could've taken my eye out with that thing.

In the unlikely event of you having this problem, this may prove useful.

Dickhead Matches

Dickheads

Big in Australia, apparently.

Blunkett - The Musical

I saw Mummy kissing the Ex Home Secretary
O Come All Ye Unfaithful

The saga of David Blunkett's tangled love life and resignation from the Cabinet is to be turned into a musical.

The Speak-Easi Hands Free Phone Unit

Turn your phone (mobile or other) into a loud speaker for hands-free communication.

I'm not laughing

Features a hilarious pair of lips that synchronise with the person talking on the other end of the phone.

Basket Case

Anyone fancy a picnic?

What started out as a dream by Dave Longaberger, Founder of The Longaberger Company, has been built into a giant basket to house the entire corporate offices of the company.

The all new google search

PLease allow for to six weeks

The British Dialect Translator

Here.

Lieutenant-Colonel Richard Geoffrey Pine-Coffin MC

He was known as Wooden Box.

Lieutenant-Colonel Richard Geoffrey Pine-Coffin MC

Unsurprisingly.

Murphy's Law

If anything can go wrong, it will.

All the laws of Murphy in one place.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

We watched it until the end because we couldn't believe what we were seeing

Sex movie mix-up shocks couple

Doris Day after she became a virgin.

A devout Baptist couple who bought a Doris Day DVD from a supermarket were shocked to find a sex film instead.

Get A Brain

Moran

A French kiss can give you 40,000 parasites

Scientists say more than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a typical French kiss.

The study says couples also exchange 0.7 grams of protein, 0.45 grams of fat and 0.19 grams of other organic substances.

The results come from a study carried out to publicise the advantages of good oral hygene in Sweden.

Swedish pharmacies taking part in the campaign are also looking for a couple to break the world record in kissing on Valentine's Day.

The marathon kiss will be broadcast live on the Swedish Pharmaceutical Association's website on February 14.

They say they want to urge responsible kissing which can have advantages as well, for example if the couple chosen beat the last record they will have burned an estimated 7,436 calories.

The current French-kissing record is held by Louisa Almedovar and Rich Langley, from New Jersey, who kissed for 30 hours, 59 minutes and 27 seconds in 2001.

Looking for Vinyl?

For any record collectors there are an awful lot of links here.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The Establishment

Peter Cook 1937 - 1995

The Peter Cook Appreciation Society

Supper With The Stars

I suppose it's how you interpret the word stars.

Syd Little anyone?

Yob Britain

The youth of today ...

Charles Clarke
Fungus The Bogeyman

BRITAIN is in the grip of an “appalling” teenage yob crimewave, Home Secretary Charles Clarke admitted yesterday.

One in four boys between 14 and 17 is a serious or regular offender, a shock government report revealed.

A hardcore of half a million young louts are to blame for rising street crime, owning up to offences ranging from burglary and drug-dealing to muggings and assault.

Mr Clarke said the figures showed the need to crack down on young offenders and “hammer alcohol-related crime”.

He added: “This is an appalling statistic. Anybody who goes into any of our city centre streets on a Friday or Saturday night has to admit there is a major problem that must be addressed. We are focusing hard on tackling the number of young offenders.

“We must really hammer alcohol-related crime if we don’t want to build a massive problem for the future. There is absolutely no doubt that this is a very serious issue, both for health and social reasons.”

The alarming growth of Britain’s yob culture was laid bare in official crime figures published yesterday.

They showed recorded violence was up six per cent in the three months to September.

The Home Office study classified 24 per cent of boys aged 14 to 17 as “serious or prolific offenders”.

About one girl in eight — 13 per cent — fell in the same bracket.

The figures mean more than 510,000 youths have committed one or more major crimes or at least six less serious in the past year.

In a further blow, 29 per cent of young people admitted to being involved in anti-social behaviour.

And a third of under-16s said they had been victims of crime during the last 12 months.

An Irish Scarecrow

Feck Off Crows

Talking search engine

Speegle

Only good news

Goodle

Buy A Celebrity's Soul

Buysouls.com provides access to the Souls of your favorite Celebrities, friends, and loved ones. You can purchase any of the following Celebrity's Souls, Give your own Soul, or Buy Anybody's Soul! You can customize the Certificate, add a special message, include a picture and even customize the package contents!

You will receive a unique Soul Stone, Official Soul Ownership Certificate, high resolution picture, background profile including date of birth, achievements credit sheet, and horoscope detail! We will also include a Buysouls.com sticker and periodical e-mail updates giving you the inside scoop about releases, events and news to your most desired soul mate.

Two-headed lamb born in China

It's got two heads!

Farmer Han Dianrong, 74, of Yantai city, Shangdong province, said he had never seen anything like it.

The lamb, one of four born to the same ewe, has four eyes and two mouths.

Mr Dianrong says both heads bleat together when the lamb sees people approaching.

The weight of two heads is too much for the lamb's neck so it has to be fed by bottle.

Grandmother ran cannabis cookery club for neighbours

Mmmmmmmm

"The most popular recipes I have are for lemon and lime cheesecake and chicken and leek pie. I want to publish a cook book with all of them in."

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Nick Drake MP3s

Beautiful, beautiful music.

Nick Drake 1948 - 1974

Here.

Razor Blade Soap

A real razor blade in a bar of soap. Be at the cutting edge of hygiene.

Blimey!

FOR DECORATIVE PURPOSES ONLY! So they say.

Order some here.

Kiss This Guy

The archive of Misheard Lyrics.

Focus

Focus

It's a Liger

Tiger Mates With Lion, Gives Birth to “Liger” Cub in Siberian Zoo.

A real live Liger

In what local zoologists are calling a miracle, a Bengalese tiger has given birth to a healthy tiger-lion cub at a Novosibirsk zoo.

The cub is a cross between the female Bengalese tiger and an African lion. The animal resembled a lion cub except that it had stripes, and has been dubbed a “liger”, the Russian Information Agency Novosti reported.

“This was not the result of a scientific experiment,” Novosti quoted zoo director Rostislav Shilo as saying. “It’s just that the lion and the tiger live in neighboring caves in the Novosibirsk zoo, and got used to each other. It’s practically impossible in the wild.”

Shilo said that the “miracle cub” was christened Zita, and will remain in the zoo. But what will happen to the cub in the future, “no one can say”.

They're at home in the freezer

There's no meat in it!

Nice cardigan also.

I'm thinking about selling my car

And getting one of these.

Hahaha!

Not sure it would be legal though. It has no lights.

Happy Burns Night

Wild Haggis!

Address to a Haggis

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect sconner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit:
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis!


You can read about Robert (Rabbie) Burns here.